Five Friends You Don't Need

When I was younger, I was the type of person who would befriend anyone who showed interest. I didn’t love myself enough to choose what was good for me. Not only was my self-esteem low, but I was struggling to figure out who I was.

Now, after a few significant life events, I know the difference between friends who have my best interests at heart and those who don't. I not only know who I am, but I am proud of who I have worked hard to become. When it comes to friends, I ask myself if this is the kind of relationship I want? Is this someone I want to be associated with? After all, the old adage 'guilty by association' still rings true. This isn't being mean. This is loving ourselves enough to choose who has the privilege of being in our circle.

So, as I promised, here are brief descriptions of five friends you don’t need.

The One Upper

No matter what you’re going through, they are always going through something worse. They make every effort to make your dilemma their stepping stone.

The Trauma Dumper

They only call you when they need to vent. “But they need someone.” That’s what therapists are for. They will tell you everything wrong with their life and pass over anything that’s going on with you. They smile and say thank you, but then you don’t exist until the next trauma.

The Energy Sucker

These charismatic people are surrounded by drama that's somehow never their fault. They often prey on individuals who are empathetic, exploiting their desire to listen and offer support. You tend to come away exhausted, mentally and emotionally, perhaps even anxious and agitated. You aren't their friend. You're their target.

The Gossip

If they are talking about everyone to you, they are talking about you to everyone else. Unless you have information you want to go viral, this is only going to end in heartache. Can there be a rich friendship without trust?

The Preacher

This one comes with a hidden agenda to change or challenge who you are or what you believe. The difference between you and this friend often lies in political, religious, and lifestyle choices. You become anxious before visits, ready to defend yourself. They aren't interested in accepting you for who you are, but rather in making you become more like them.

So what now?

That depends. I don’t believe in absolutes. I believe life moves in shades of grey. Friendships with these personality types is possible if you understand who they are and set boundaries you feel comfortable with. If those boundaries are continuously pushed or crossed, you may need to rethink your decision. Don't be afraid to walk away.

We all deserve to have intentional friendships. Those friendships that, no matter how much time passes, you pick up right where you left off. That foster equal amounts of give and take. That make both of you feel seen, heard, and loved. Because isn't that what we all deserve?

What? There's a kind of friend you don't need I didn't mention? Please tell me in the comments!!

Thanks for reading!